Doctor Who: Season Thirty

Regular Cast:
David Tennant (The Doctor)
Catherine Tate (Donna Noble)

Semi-Regular Cast:
Bernard Cribbins (Wilfred Mott)
Freema Agyeman (Martha Jones)
Billie Piper (Rose Tyler)




Episode 30.13 - “Journey's End”
Written by Russell T Davies
****

The Daleks have conquered Earth, Sarah Jane is about to be exterminated, Torchwood is under attack and the Doctor is regenerating again as a helpless Rose, Donna and Jack look on. What of Dalek Caan's prophecy, that the Doctor's faithful companion will die? What about the Osterhagen Key, carried by Martha? Is there anyone from UNIT left alive? Earth has never been in so much danger – can the Doctor get it together in time to save the day, or has Davros really won this time?

Review
I should, perhaps, begin this week's review by highlighting my one and only major disappointment with the episode – namely, the regeneration that wasn't. It was fairly obvious that the severed hand, bubbling away in its jar so prominently in-shot, would come to have some bearing on the regeneration sequence, and a number of online commentators even guessed that it would result in a duplicate of the tenth Doctor, but the way in which Russell T Davies chose to get himself out of the corner that he had write himself into just simply didn't come off so well. It's true that the properties of a Time Lord's regeneration have never been specifically defined by any writer for the show, but unlike the Master's refusal to regenerate at the end of series three this felt less like an interesting new addition to canon and more like Davies making a ham-fisted attempt at having his cake and eating it. It also means that the tenth Doctor's *actual* regeneration – whenever that might happen – will lose a little of its impact, as viewers will now be unable to trust whether it's actually happening. The plus side, of course, is that by effectively wasting of the Doctor's three remaining regenerations the production team have given us solid evidence that that particular canonised count will be circumnavigated at some point in the future.

Okay, rant over. The good news is that despite this brief low point, “Journey's End” is a pretty damn fine episode. Uniting companions past and present for one final (we assume) hurrah, it grabs you by the throat and doesn't let go for another sixty-five minutes, presenting scene after scene of emotive scripting, most of which are certain to become regarded as classic or seminal in the years to come. Davros' confrontation with the Doctor is particularly memorable, with our hero both agonised and embittered at the perceived loss of both his friend and the last piece of Gallifrey, and Davros himself savouring the distress and pain on his enemy's face. The companions are also fantastic, not one excluded (yes, even Martha); the sheer defiance on the faces of Sarah, Jack and Martha as they each threaten Davros is simply palpable, making their failure that much more bitter. And then there's Donna... wonderful, wonderful Donna. Catherine Tate once again smacks every single detractor over the head with a large, studded stick, giving the performance of a lifetime through the episode, not one single minute of screen time excluded. You fear for her as the TARDIS begins to burn; you cheer for her when she's saved; the scenes between her and the newly-created Doctor 10b are both funny and touching; her transference-induced impersonation of the Doctor is brilliant and those final scenes – when she begs to be allowed to stay despite knowing what it will do to her – are utterly devastating. Once again, there won't be a dry eye left in the house by the time those end credits roll.

Yes, if you're the sort of viewer to nitpick you could find dozens of fiddly little flaws with the episode – and if you do, feel free to register on an forum somewhere and bitch about unimportant trivia along with the rest of internet fandom – but none of them spoil the story as a whole. It's not perfect, and it's certainly not Shakespeare, but it *is* tremendously satisfying and it manages to outstrip all but “Doomsday” in the finale stakes. And now here we are – it's all over for another year, and once the Christmas special goes out we'll have nowt but a handful of specials to tide us over until 2010. In the meantime, keep an eye on next year's BAFTA ceremony; if Catherine Tate doesn't get a gong I'll be very surprised.



Episode 30.12 - “The Stolen Earth”
Written by Russell T Davies
*****

The Doctor and Donna return to Earth to find it peaceful and safe – only for it to vanish from underneath the TARDIS as soon as they head back inside! As the pair travel to the Shadow Proclamation to get help, the inhabitants of the stolen Earth – including Donna’s family, Sarah Jane Smith, the Torchwood crew and Martha Jones – find themselves fighting off an invasion headed by a very old enemy…

Review
This is, without a doubt, forty-five minutes of the most exciting, compelling and downright gripping television that I have seen all year. With so much going on at the same time there was always a big chance that the episode would fall flat on its face, but thankfully Russell T Davies has learned a trick or two over the last four years and somehow, inexplicably, it works. More to the point, it works brilliantly, bringing together what feels like the whole Whoniverse to combat the Daleks and pluck deftly at the heartstrings throughout.

So many individual moments stand out it’s difficult to know where to begin. The Earth suddenly vanishing from underneath the TARDIS. The Doctor not knowing what to do for, perhaps, the first time in his life. Donna’s desperate pleading for a miracle. “We may not be legendary, but we’re every bit as important as Time Lords, thank you very much.”. Wilf being, well, Wilf! The terror on the faces of Sarah Jane and Jack as a message of death comes squawking over the airwaves. Ianto stealing the scene from the moment he appears (as usual). “You know nothing of any human. And that shall be your downfall.” Rose’s reappearance. The big reveal as that demented wheelchair comes sliding into the light. The giggling, babbling, maniacal Dalek Caan. The Doctor’s short-lived (we think!) reunion with Rose. THAT. BLOODY. CLIFFHANGER!

Yes, the episode has its flaws. Why does Jack leave his comrades to die when he could have just as easily taken them with him? How did he arrive at exactly the right place and time to save (almost) everybody’s skin? Why does Sarah Jane just suddenly decide to go out driving at the last minute? But the thing is, these are tiny, tiny, blips when compared to the sheer crowd-pleasing, heart-pumping, air-punching brilliance of the rest of the episode. Honestly, I’ve never yelled at my TV so much in my life!

There’s still one more episode left to go, and (to borrow a phrase) still everything to play for. Will “Journey’s End” be a triumph on the same level as “Doomsday”, or utter tosh like “Last of the Time Lords”? It’s a lottery, my friends, but one’s things for certain – no matter what the final episode brings, Davies has already justified that OBE with “The Stolen Earth”. Bring it on.



Episode 30.11 - “Turn Left”
Written by Russell T Davies
*****

After visiting a fortune-teller on Chino-planet of Shan Shen, Donna finds herself in a parallel world in which she has never met – or travelled with – the Doctor. With no memory of her other life Donna watches as the Earth is decimated by a succession of alien attacks, helpless and afraid along with the rest of the country. But who is this mysterious blonde girl who keeps appearing at key moments in her life? Why won't she tell anyone her name? And why does everybody keep staring at Donna's back whenever she walks past?

Review
There's one word that springs instantly to mind from the moment that “Turn Left” begins, and that's “dark”. Of course, given the current finale rumours and a certain line of dialogue towards the end of this episode that's almost certainly deliberate – after all, we're talking about the end of the universe here – but unless you've already seen the episode it's difficult to get across just how dark this episode goes. This, ladies and gentlemen, is a world without the Doctor – or more specifically, a world bereft of the Doctor since the events of “The Runaway Bride”. In this world the Doctor wasn't around to foil the Haemovore in the nick of time during the events of “Smith and Jones”, leaving Martha Jones to die along with all of the other occupants of the hospital taken by the Judoon – including Sarah-Jane Smith and her entourage of pre-teen sleuths. Without the Doctor, the starship Titanic crashed into London and wiped out the British government, the Royal family and most of the south of England in one fell swoop. Without the Doctor, it fell to the Torchwood team to foil the Sontarans' attempted invasion of the planet, dying along with the invasion fleet as the mother-ship exploded. Without the Doctor, America is devastated by the birth of millions of Adipose and Britain descends into a xenophobic, militaristic mess as the new government tries desperately to pick up the pieces of a shattered country. All of this because Donna turned right instead of left at a set of traffic lights one afternoon. “Bleak” doesn't even begin to describe it.

An episode like this lives and dies on its cast. With the Doctor absent (in the real world, David Tennant was off filming “Midnight”) Catherine Tate is left to lead the episode on her own – so it's great news for us that she really is the fantastic actress that Davies and co. have been saying she is (as if this hadn't already been evident from star turns in “The Fires of Pompeii”, “Planet of the Ood” and “Forest of the Dead”). In truth, Tate delivers an acting tour de force, effortlessly portraying Donna both with and without the Doctor's influence and completely selling us on both. As the world goes to hell around her that underlying strength originally brought out by her travels in the TARDIS manifests once again, allowing her her to rally in the face of adversity and keep her family together despite a series of hardships that would break most of us. Praise is also due to Jacqueline King, whose unsympathetic performance as Donna's mother make us finally understand why she was the way she way when we first met her in “The Runaway Bride”, but the award for Best Supporting Actor undoubtedly goes to the legendary Bernard Cribbins, whose Wilfrid Mott sums up in just one line the whole emotional atom bomb served by Russell T Davies superlative depiction of Britain under fire.

All of this raving, you ask, and not one word about Billie Piper? Wasn't she simply fantastic? Well yes, she was – but then throughout her him on New Who Piper has never been anything less. The woman is a born actress, through and through, and Rose Tyler's reappearance in the show in nothing short of an utter triumph – but the best is yet to come. As good as “Turn Left” is, it's just the tip of the iceberg for both Piper and Tate, and next week sees both of them reunited with David Tennant for what promises to be the season finale to end all season finales. Daleks! Judoon! Explosions! UNIT! Torchwood! Captain Jack! The end of the world! And possibly an explanation for all of the vanishing bees! Don't know about you, but I'm excited already. In the meantime, however, I'm going to power up my DVR and take another look at this week's masterpiece, because one thing's for certain – Russell T Davies is going out with a bang...




Episode 30.10 - “Midnight”
Written by Russell T Davies
*****

The Doctor and Donna enjoy a well-earned break on Midnight, a planet with a crystal structure, no atmosphere and sunlight that vaporises organic matter. Whilst Donna sunbathes in the sealed and protected entertainment complex, the Doctor takes a charter trip across the planet's surface to a local landmark, only to become stranded alongside the other passengers when their transport's engine fails. Trapped alone in an enclosed space, with the nearest rescue ship hours away, the tension begins to rise – and a knocking from outside the cabin indicates that they are not alone...

Review
It remains a compulsion amongst embittered Classic Who fans to hold Russell T Davies up as a symbol of everything that had gone wrong with the show since its return in 2005, and yet if you hold up his body of work – which now contains more than twenty-five episodes, if you include this season's finale and the Christmas specials -- for scrutiny you find that he's churned out more than his fair share of fantastic television. Sure, his season openers are generally weak (excluding “Smith and Jones”) and sure, it remains an undeniable fact that he is the man behind the risible “Love & Monsters” and the galling disappointing “Last of the Time Lords”, but let's not forget that Davies is also the writer of emotional and action-packed set-pieces like “The Parting of the Ways”, “Tooth & Claw”, “Doomsday” and “Gridlock”. He's also come up with some of the best ideas the show has seen so far, as this latest outing more than proves.

This, to borrow the American vernacular, is Bottle Episodes 101. With “Midnight”, Davies teaches a master-class on how to get the most out of a single set, a small cast and a limited effects budget, and the results are spell-binding. From the moment that the travellers' vehicle breaks down the tension begins to wind up; the characters (and the viewer) jump at shadows, fingers are pointed, and paranoia is amped up to eleven as the small band of stranded humans are tortured and played with by a creature that logic tells them cannot possibly exist. And the genius part? The genius part is that all of this – every single moment – is achieved by the simple device of a twitchy character repeating, mirroring and then finally pre-empting the other characters' dialogue. No alien costumes, no CGI, no big flashing neon sign that says “MONSTER!” -- just seven actors in an enclosed set, cowering in the dim atmosphere of the cabin and trying desperately to work out the hell is going on.

After last year's Doctor-light episode “Blink” it was inconceivable to think that anyone could possibly compete with Steven Moffat's efforts to send a new generation of children scurrying behind the sofa – and yet here it sits, a testimony to Russell T Davies' intention to bow out of DOCTOR WHO on the most spectacular of highs. If you've still got this one waiting for you on your digital recorder or Sky+ box, do yourself a huge favour; close the windows, turn out the lights, turn up the volume and prepare to be scared out of your wits. And you know something? Get your girlfriend/boyfriend/variations thereof to watch along with you. It's even better with two...





Episode 30.9 - “Forest of the Dead”
Written by Steven Moffat
*****

The body count continues to grow as the Doctor, the mysterious River and the surviving explorers desperately search for a way to stop the Vashta Nerada from eating them all alive. Meanwhile, an amnesiac Donna finds herself far away from the library, undergoing therapy for a series of “bad dreams”. Is the enigmatic Doctor Moon everything he appears, or does his benign smile hide something altogether more sinister?

Review
It's hard to know where to begin. After a veritable tour-de-force last week, it's hard to believe that New Who can get any better this season – and yet here we are, basking in the glow of an utterly fantastic episode for the second week in a row. “Forest of the Dead” is remarkable for so many reasons, but possibly the most notable is the way it's used – namely, as a subtle set-up for a story arc from the Steven Moffat-helmed seasons yet to come. This man is going to be in charge soon, and he *knows* it, yet despite this he is still able to produce a fully-rounded, highly satisfying conclusion to “Silence in the Library” without once skimping on the material, and he even manages to concoct a villain more chilling than his own gas mask zombies into the bargain.

There's no drop in quality from the cast, either; before the episode ends each and every one of them has a moment in the spotlight, not one excluded. There are many points of interest, too, from Donna's heart-aching brush with normal married life to the hint that whoever River is to the Doctor – companion, friend, or something much, much more – she is certain to have a huge and lasting impact on his life in the near future, enough to know his true name. It's also pleasing to see Steve Pemberton's character revealing a softer side beneath all of the corporate bluster, and to have the delightful Tallulah Riley return to the screen after her death in part one; despatching her so quickly seemed to be a tragic waste of her talent as an actress.

So here we are; one instalment left to go before the traditional three-part finale and expectations pumped sky-high by a superlative two-parter. Whatever Davies has under his hat for this year's “Doctor-light” episode, it's have to pull off something pretty damned spectacular to be remembered when sandwiched between our first glimpse of River and the (alleged) return of Davros. Nonetheless, bring it on – this is what being a Who fan is all about.




Episode 30.8 - “Silence in the Library”
Written by Steven Moffat
*****

The TARDIS arrives in the biggest library in existence, and the Doctor is eager to explore, but something is terribly, terribly wrong. The library covers an entire planet, but the Doctor and Donna are the only people inside – and someone has left them an eerie warning not to proceed any further. What has happened to the visitors and staff? Where did they go? And why does their message tell newcomers to “count the shadows”?

Review
Pay attention, children. This week's script comes to you courtesy of Mr. Steven Moffat, writer of such classics as “The Empty Child” and “Blink”, so sit back, make notes and prepare to make yet another addition to the list of things that DOCTOR WHO has made you afraid of. This, more than any other aspect of writing, is what Moffat excels at, and damn him for it. Damn him all the way to hell. Call me bitter f you like, but there's simply no earthly reason why a grown man approaching thirty years of age should be wary of gas masks, clockwork or every statue in the world ever. Moffat, you're a bastard. A fantastic, intelligent, inglorious bastard. And right now I'm furiously scribbling “spacesuits” and “the dark” on to the end of my list.

Yes, the maestro has succeeded again. Incapable of delivering a straight story, Moffat has written a cunningly-weaved tale of suspicious, whispers and MATRIX-like philosophical wondering, presented with a hint of the Michael Crichton novel PREY. At the core, the plot centres around eight people stranded in a deserted library, trying desperately to survive as something in the shadows picks them off one by one. If this were a Classic Who story that might be the end of the matter, but instead a succession of inspired moments hammer home the potential of not only modern Who but also science fiction in general. The best of these is easily the psychic relay, a device which – following the sudden and traumatic death of its wearer – can preserve the last few vestiges of conciousness for a few minutes after death. To the characters that wear it, the relay is a mere gadget but to Steven Moffat, and the viewers at home, it represents two of the most heartbreaking and terrifying moments in the show's history. But even this isn't the whole picture – adding to the tension and mystery are scenes which appear to be set on present-day Earth, in which a little girl sees the events of the library in her dreams and watches them on television. These scenes seem to imply that nothing the Doctor and Donna are experiencing is real, but as usual you can never be too certain, and that is part of the episode's magic.

Perhaps, however, we should dial things back a little bit before this becomes a rather worrying love letter to just one man. Talented as Steven Moffat is, he would be nothing without BBC Wales' casting department, because every single time he turns in a script these guys find him a note-perfect selection of men and women to bring the subtleties and nuances of his story to life. This time around they really seem to have outdone themselves, adding the likes of MOLL FLANDERS' Alex Kingston, THE LEAGUE OF GENTLEMEN's Steve Pemberton and ST. TRINIANS' Tallulah Riley into a talented group on relative unknowns to complete an impressive ensemble. Kingston in particular is note-worthy, carrying the weight of an added mystery – namely, who she is and how she will come to know the Doctor in the future – alongside the current events and holding her own against a decidedly on-form David Tennant. Her precise identity remains, infuriatingly, unknown as the credits roll, but the promise of its revelation is so spine-tinglingly compelling that even if the rest of the episode was tosh you'd still be tuning in for part two.

Make no mistake, “Silence in the Library” is utterly gripping television. If you're not already programming your DVD recorder or digibox for the next epsiode after the first ten minutes there's clearly something wrong with you...




Episode 30.7 - “The Unicorn and the Wasp”
Written by Gareth Roberts
**

The Doctor and Donna arrive in 1920's England, at the site of a truly ripping dinner party. For the Doctor, however, the festivities pale in comparison to meeting one of his idols – one Mrs Agatha Christie, who has come at the invitation of her friend, Lady Eddison. Soon the other guests assemble, including the local priest, a retired Colonel, a mysterious society girl and Lady Eddison's wayward son, and everything seems to feel very familiar – a feeling cemented when the guests start getting murdered, one by one. Is a human killer to blame, or is it something more other-worldly?

Review
This could have been so good. Gareth Roberts, one of Big Finish's most prolific writers, handed a rip-roaring Agatha Christie pastiche *starring* Agatha Christie? David Tennant's Doctor and a period-dressed Donna, ready for some dinner party sleuthing? A shape-changing? Surely this is the stuff that DOCTOR WHO dreams are made of? In theory, yes, but regrettably on this occasion things haven't gone entirely to plan, and what we're left with is a distinctly underwhelming episode that doesn't so much fulfil its potential as woefully highlight the promise that was there in the beginning.

It all starts off so well, too, with the period being set wonderfully and every actor truly inhabiting their role, and then it all goes so horribly, horribly wrong. It's possible to trace the precise moment, too – the second the Doctor starts gurning and grinding about like Norman Wisdom everything takes a decided turn for the worse, a feeling capitalised by another “hidden” reference to gay slang (by now it's really not clear whether these writers are doing this deliberate to goad the idiotic “gay agenda” brigade or whether they simply think they're really clever) and yet another fan-baiting Doctor-companion kiss. Now, usually I'm not particularly bothered by these – quite frankly, there are an increasing number of fans who simply need to get a life and stop bitching on internet forums – but here it really doesn't serve any purpose *except* to irritate fans, especially when a right-hook or a slap to the face (though clichιd) would have done just as well in its place.

And then there's the giant bloody wasp. This should have been the height of fantastic, it really should. Come on, the tenth Doctor, battling a giant wasp? In the 1920's? With Agatha Christie by his side? It's the sort of thing that manic grins are *made* for! And yet when coupled this this kind of poorly-executed plot it comes across as little more than BBC-flavoured cheese, with the distinctly cheap and cheerful transformation sequence putting the cap on it. The infidelity revelation at the climax, the almost pointless Unicorn subplot and the hints that Lady Eddison's son is having an affair with a servant boy are all exactly the sort of overblown nonsense that peppers the real Christie novels – seriously, try reading one some time – but the addition of Harry the Humongous Hornet simply makes it all too much to swallow.

“The Unicorn and the Wasp” should have been marvellous. It should have been one of the greats. Instead, it emerges as a slightly-undercooked fusion of ill-executed ideas and a faintly embarrassing villain. Such a shame – remove the alien aspect and the poisoning scene, and it would have made a perfect historical episode...




Episode 30.6 - “The Doctor's Daughter”
Written by Stephen Greenhorn
***

The Doctor is forced to confront his personal demons when, apparently by malfunction, the TARDIS is drawn to a war-torn colony in the distant future. Here a handful of surviving human colonists are locked in combat with a species called the Hath, the battle literally endless due to the use of rapid-cloning machines on both sides – and it is into one of these machines that the desperate and dwindling colonists force the Doctor, producing him a “daughter” in a matter of moments. Initially disgusted by the newly-christened Jenny, who has emerged from the machine fully-grown and pre-programmed for killing, as they are forced together for survival the Doctor comes to realise that they are more alike than he would care to admit...

Review
In the last few years I've spoken a lot about how die-hard DOCTOR WHO fans react (often badly) to the soapier elements of the show, but if there was ever an episode title to get the fanboys screaming in horror surely it's “The Doctor's Daughter”. To be honest, I agree that this story was a bad idea – just not for the same reasons that the small-yet-vocal majority seem to be. “The Doctor's supposed to be alone!” True, but there's no reason why that can't change. “Bringing the Time Lords back this way is so clichιd!” Sure it is, but who says that the Time Lords are coming back this way? And since when has DOCTOR WHO *not* been cliched? “The Doctor is supposed to be asexual!” Er, really? Seriously, where does it say that? Only the producers of the Peter Davison-era of the show ever seemed to have a problem with the Doctor touching girls. And seriously, if even one of you starts harping on about genetic looms I'm going to hit you. Come on, say it with me -- “Lungbarrow is not canon. Lungbarrow is not canon. Lungbarrow is not canon...”

So why, I hear you ask, do I have a problem with this premise? Simple – it deserves a better writer. Stephen Greenhorn isn't new to the Whoniverse by any means, but his only outing thus far – season twenty-nine's horribly lacklustre “The Lazarus Experient” -- isn't the best sales pitch for his talents. The thing is, the Doctor is the last of the Time Lords and his survivor's guilt at this fact – c.f. “Utopia”, “Last of the Time Lords” et al – needs to be explored properly, by a writer that can pull it off. Look at it this way; after who know how long as the last of his kind (one blip with the Master aside), the Doctor has been offered the one thing he never thought he could have again – a daughter. We need to see a glut of emotions here, from disbelief to resentment to suspicion to unwilling acceptance, rather than just a scowl and a plot that reads “I don't like you... okay, now you've done some back-flips I've changed my mind”.

It's a shame, too, because in many ways “The Doctor's Daughter” has the makings of a good episode. The idea that a war will all the hallmarks of a decades-long conflict is only seven days old thanks to a “Chinese Whispers” system of memories is fantastic, and the stuff of true SF; likewise, given proper time and development the relationship between Jenny and the Doctor could have been compelling and emotive. Instead, however, Greenhorn defaults to making a pointless separation of Martha and the rest of the TARDIS crew – only serving to highlight that Martha could have been removed from this story altogether with only negligible impact on the plot – then placing the Doctor on a soapbox for about two-thirds of the episode, shortly before a climax so cringeworthily predicable that it's embarassing. And then there's the examples of simply poor writing, such as why, within the logic of the episode, would the Doctor be cloned and not Donna? And why go to all the trouble of explaining that Jenny couldn't regenerate, only to have her spring back to life a few moments later and force yourself to write a new way of doing that? And why would the Doctor leave her body behind, instead of insisting on giving her a burial himself? Hell, why kill Jenny at all – why not have her simply decline the Doctor's offer to travel with him and have her bugger off on her own anyway?

Yes, Georgia Moffett is cute and yes, she plays her part really well, but her performance (and, irritatingly, CatherineTate's once again!) forms a solo highlight in an otherwise sub-par outing. Let's just hope that when Jenny turns up again – almost certainly in time for the finale, given the blatant set-up at the end of this episode – it's in the hands of the writer that she deserves.


Episode 30.5 - “The Poison Sky”
Written by Helen Raynor
***

As the Earth begins to choke underneath a vast cloud of poison gas, the Doctor and UNIT race to halt the process before it is too late. Meanwhile, the Sontarans' spy continues to sabotage their efforts from within – but could it be the Doctor's been aware of it all along?

Review
Sontar-HAH! Five weeks in, and New Who delivers the first genuine disappointment of the season. Whilst “The Poison Sky” isn't anywhere near as bad as many were fearing, it still forms a distinctly apathetic conclusion to an extremely promising first episode, settling for a resolution that's as cliched as it is predictable when it could have reached for something a little more, well, *more*.

The plot is mish-mosh, but the real let-down comes from the cast. Sure, David Tennant is his usual, brilliant self, and Catherine Tate continues to surprise and delight -- all but washing clean the memories of “The Runaway Bride” with a layered and heartfelt performance – but Freema Agyeman is so arch in her role as “evil Martha” that you can't help but agree with the Doctor -- she might as *well* be wearing a t-shirt saying “I'm a clone”! And then there's the new commander of UNIT. Look, I understand that most *fans* refuse to accept that anyone could ever replace the Brig, but there's no need to prove them right by writing a rigid, gun-happy, stick-up-the-butt prat.

The only saving grace here – apart from possibly the best in-joke DOCTOR WHO has ever made, courtesy of a bored Doctor and some rather lovely gas masks – comes from Chris Ryan's Sontaran General Staal. Not only does Ryan make for an imposing presence despite (or perhaps because of) his lack of stature, but his performance is deliciously barking and appropriately over-the-top – absolutely perfect for the story. It's a complete shame to see him get blown up at the end, too, although the Sontarans' use of cloning means that a return visit isn't ruled out altogether.

It's a harsh fact, but Helen Raynor is clearly no good at two-part stories. It always seems that her best material gets stuffed into the first episode, leaving the plot to buckle under the weight of its own momentum the following week – and whilst this story has shown some signs of her skill improving, it's nowhere near enough in my book. By all means bring her back next year, Beeb, but please, please please limit her to the single episodes that she clearly excels with.



Episode 30.4 - “The Sontaran Stratagem”
Written by Helen Raynor
****

When UNIT uncovers evidence that a popular new SatNav and pollution-reducing technology for cars – ATMOS – may be alien in origin, Martha Jones recalls the Doctor to Earth to investigate. But even as the Doctor discovers that one of his deadliest foes are mounting an invasion, an enemy agent finds its way into UNIT and prepares to sabotage the Earth's last defence...

Review
Sontarans! The spud-headed villains have had a bumpy ride since their first appearance more than thirty years ago (in 1973's “The Time Warrior”), appearing in several classic stories and searing themselves into the memories of fans of a certain age for decades to come, but never quite crossing the line from cult villain to classic foe in the same way that the Daleks and Cybermen have. In many ways it's strange that it's taken three complete seasons before they've made their first appearance in New Who; their rich back-story and regimented code of conduct make them perfect for a modern audience, and ripe for re-invention. So you have to wonder at the sanity of the mighty Russell T when, sitting in his no-doubt opulent Cardiff study one evening, he said to himself “Hmmm... let's give this one to the only writer who's managed to cock-up the Daleks.”.

I doubt very much that the posting boards were awash with celebration as Helen Raynor's connection to this two-parter was revealed earlier in the year. Many, after all, still cringe at the thought of last year's crushingly disappointing “Evolution of the Daleks”, a conclusion which managed to trash every last ounce of promise set up by the previous episode. Surprisingly, however, Raynor does a good job here, cementing previously-established Sontaran quirks – such as their genetically-encoded love for battle, and their tendency to judge all other races on their ability to function as soldiers – whilst ironing out some of Classic Who's inconsistencies -- like their height (which previously varied a little *too* much for a race of clones), the number of fingers they have – and making some additions of her own to their mythos (most noticeably their rather infectious battle-chant: “Sontar-HAH! Sontar-HAH!”).

Anyone twitching at the thought of companions past and present coming into contact again can also breathe a sigh of relief; it would appear that, one “comedic” comment aside, New Who is done with the whole ex-companion/ex-girlfriend analogy (for the time being, anyway!). In fact, Donna and Martha work very well together, with the latter hitting home with a few hard truths about travelling with the Doctor and the former acting as a counter-point by reminding Martha just how wondrous TARDIS life can be. Whilst you probably wouldn't want the pair of them travelling together permanently – if anything, even the TARDIS couldn't contain all of the personality! -- having them here, working their separate plot threads, only serves to enrich the story.

Overall, “The Sontaran Strategem” serves as an excellent teaser for the finale next week, and promises to deliver an explosive conclusion. Don't forget, however, that we have been fooled before...



Episode 30.3 - “Planet of the Ood”
Written by Keith Temple
****

The Doctor and Donna land on the home planet of the Ood (see season twenty-eight's “The Impossible Planet”) and discover that it's been occupied by the human corporation responsible for selling the species as servants around the galaxy. Digging a little deeper, however, the pair realise that the Ood's willingness to serve mankind may not be quite as natural as is claimed...

Review
Anyone who remembers “The Impossible Planet” with any clarity will tell you there was something about the Ood that never really sat quite right. As a race apparently born with an inbuilt desire to serve, their presence on the mining station was questioned by both the Doctor and Rose, and the answers given by the crew -- “They like it. If you don't give them orders they just mope about the place.” -- and the Ood themselves -- “We live to serve” -- never felt satisfactory. These were beings who apparently enjoyed being treated as property and were allowed to be used as such, despite the moral implications that this raised within the allegedly enlightened future human race. This goldmine of plotting was, sadly, left untapped by original writer Matt Jones, and now it falls to Whoniverse newcomer Keith Temple to fill in the gaps – which he does, admirably.

If you told a group of fanboys that their next episode of DOCTOR WHO was written by a screenwriter most commonly employed by soaps, they'd start a riot – and yet Temple, alumnus of shows like BYKER GROVE, EMMERDALE and CASULATY, has provided us with one of New Who's most evocative and thought-provoking episodes to date. he brilliance starts with the premise; namely that the Ood, already proven to be susceptible to a strong telepathic presence, have started to act strangely all over the Ood-Sphere. In the hands of many writers this would have been turned into a thinly-disgfuised Zombie flick, with a group of humans slowly being picked off whilst they stare at their servants and wonder which one will be the next to turn – and whilst this could be enjoyable if written well, it's hardly going to win the show any new fans. Instead, however, Temple delves into the culture and the biology of the Ood themselves, exploring why they are the way they are and proving that even the most servile and benign of people will rebel if pushed hard enough.

There are so many different facets to “Planet of the Ood”, and yet far from failing every disparate element comes together and just works – there are so many memorable scenes it's impossible to choose a favourite. There's Donna, tearful and pained at the sound of the Ood's telepathic singing; there's the vain and blinkered corporate director, receiving the most ironic and apt of punishments; there's the genuinely horrifying revelation of how the Ood are made so servile; and there's the Ood's biology itself, so imaginative and alien that it puts forty-five years of green-skinned, forehead-augmented STAR TREK species to shame in an instant. This, more than anything else, illustrates why Britain should be making more science-fiction television. Such a shame that it's going to be overshadowed by the return of the Sontarans next week...



Episode 30.2 - “The Fires of Pompeii”
Written by James Moran
****

The Doctor's promise of a visit to ancient Rome goes awry when the TARDIS lands in Pompeii – and worse still, it's volcano day! Donna is horrified when the Doctor refuses to avert the catastrophe, advising her of the rules surrounding fixed points in time, but the pair are soon forced to intervene when they discover evidence that Vesuvius' eruption may be extraterrestrial in origin...

Review
If, like most of the British public, you were horrified when it was announced that Donna Noble would be returning to our screens, prepare to be amazed; this week Catherine Tate finally shows the acting talent that the industry has claimed of her all along. Picking up the emotional thread that was left dangling at the end of “The Runaway Bride”, Tate slips effortlessly into the role of the Doctor's conscience, reminding him of his (for want of a better word) humanity and pulling him back from the brink whenever darkness encroaches. This proves for an interesting dynamic, and it will be interesting to see how it develops.

Thankfully, the rest of the episode is equally polished. The script, by recent TORCHWOOD alumnus (and writer of Brit-horror hit SEVERANCE) James Moran, reminds of a time when DOCTOR WHO was largely historical in its storytelling, presenting the viewer with an image of Roman life which allegories wonderfully with modern London. Whilst the inclusion of an alien threat behind the eruption of Vesuvius is, perhaps, a touch predictable, Moran makes up for it by putting a very human face on the disaster; the final scenes depicting the destruction of Pompeii are particularly harrowing as a result.

This is the kind of story that New Who needs to tell more often – danger, excitement, adventure and emotion, all flavoured with a touch of historical fact. If this is what Moran is going to deliver every time he enters the Whoniverse he's welcome to stay as long as he likes.



Episode 30.1 - “Partners in Crime”
Written by Russell T Davies
**

The Doctor is reunited with Donna Noble whilst investigating Adipose, a pharmaceutical company promising a miraculous diet pill. Naturally nothing is as it seems, and soon the pair are fighting to save the lives of millions of people...

Review
If you're one of those people who feels that there's far too much bile sloshing around the internet, please allow me to save you the trouble of reading the rest of this review; this is possibly the worst season opener that DOCTOR WHO has ever seen. For the rest of you, however, some qualification...

It may surprise you to learn that Catherine Tate is not the worst thing about “Partners in Crime” -- and no, that's not damning praise. Tate, in fact, does a fair job, only descending into her original shouty, stroppy “POKKITS” self once or twice during the episode's run. In fact, Donna provides two of the episode's best scenes; staring listlessly into space whislt her mother bustles around her, endlessly nagging, illustrates perfectly how it must feel to be left behind in a mundane life after adventuring with the Doctor, whilst the scene with her grandfather at the top of the hill is a beautifully quiet, subdued moment. No, the problem here is the plot.

Certainly it's easy to see what Davies was trying to achieve – supposed alien invasion actually turns out to be quite benign in nature – but in order to pull this off there needs to be a sense of menace, and frankly having overweight people shed unwanted pounds by painlessly giving birth to dozens of cute little CG Pokemon just doesn't cut the mustard. You end up watching them out of the corner of your eye, expecting them to suddenly mutate, GALAXY QUEST-style, into big scary things with razor-sharp fangs, so it's exceptionally disappointing (not to mention distinctly un-Who like) when they don't. In fact there's only one scene that even comes close to scary, in which one unfortunate fat fighter gets transformed into dozens of the little buggers, and even that comes across as more comical than everything else.

So once again Davies stumbles at the first hurdle. It's clear from interviews and from the humongous popularity of the show since its return hat he doesn't feel he has anything to prove, but if he wants to sell Donna's return to the masses he needs to make a better effort than this. Disappointing.




Matt Dillon